| | Time: | 12:19 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/red/sad_sr.gif) sad |
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| today, was just a bad day, and a good day at the same time. for those of you who didn't know, my sister recenetly got a new puppy. and her name was bella. my family and i were very excited about the new addition to our family. she came here with my sister last week, and was perfectly happy and a very good mannered dog. she was so sweet and would shower you with kisses and burrow into your chest when you would hold her. she was the only dog i ever felt comfortable around.
to make a very long and complicated story short, she quickly turned very ill, and was put to sleep today because of what the doctors think was brain disease. this puppy was only 10 weeks old. my family and especially my sister is devestated. who knew that only after five days, one could become so attached to something. we all loved her so much, and we are so sad that she left us. but we know it was best. it wasn't fair to let her live, and suffer. we know she greeted all of our loved ones in heaven with many kisses.
this is probably the last thing that my sister needed to deal with. she has been through a lot in the past few years. it seems almost cruel to add this to already difficult resume. but, i know this is just another thing that will make her a stronger person, and we love her even more for being brave enough.
its funny that today in relationships we had a speak on grief and loss, and my sister is following the exact steps. she is still very shocked that this has all happened so fast, and i know the next few days will be very hard, but i know she will get through it.
i have a new found respect for anyone who has had to go though the loss of a pet. this dog wasn't even technically mine, and i am devestated. i can't imagine having a dog for 15 years and having it pass on. i have much respect for people that have gone through it.
i believe the lord works in mysterious ways, but i know that she was taken for a reason. if not to make my sister stronger, but to make someone else happy. as much as it sucks, i know it was for a reason.
besides that news, tonite was fun. my fantastic friends made my night better by laughing and just having a good time at max's. even if it did consist of rolling down his hill in a tire... haha just visualize it and you will laugh... i know i did.
anyway, its time to move on to another day.. with as much strength as possible... | comments: Leave a comment   |
| | Subject: | lonley | | Time: | 10:13 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/red/grumpy_sr.gif) annoyed |
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| so, today i am crabby and annoyed and sad and frustrated. why do people have to be so cliquey?! im sure i have been cliquey before, i know i have. im not innocent. but, its kind of gotten out of control. but, lately, when people do get cliquey, i don't. im left on the outside to feel sorry for myself. and i do feel sorry for myself. i just don't think its very nice... and i feel blue.
im not gonna say names and whos doing what.. its jt frustrating to me.
hopfully ill find something to do tonite.. if an uncliquey person wants to do something... BLECH.
arg.. thats all i have to say. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | not myself | | Time: | 10:11 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/red/mellow_sr.gif) mellow |
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| i think there is a time in everyone's life when we stop and say, "who am i?" while i realize i am still quite young, i sort of would like to know who i am... now.
i think about high school, and for so long, i have tried to cover up how i feel about things and about people, that sometimes i leave myself behind, and i should be concerned about myself. not in a selfish way, but in a positive way.
ive been concerned about what other people think of me and to make sure that someone isn't mad at me or upset with me, but does that matter? should i care about how someone feels about me? because at the end of the day, i only have myself.
"suppose i say, i am on my best behavior. there are times, i lose my worried mind. would you want me, when im not myself. wait it out while i am someone else. suppose i say, colors change, for no good reason. words will go, from poetry, to prose. would you want me, when im not myself. wait it out while, i am someone else. and i, in time, will come around, i always do, for you... suppose i say, you're my saving grace????? would you want me while im somone else, wait it out while i am someone else...?"
this little song is by a brilliant man by the name of john mayer, the line, "would you want me, when im not myself"... that can keep you thinking for a long time... think about it.
i dunno where this came from... but its interesting. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | baby bash- suga suga | | Subject: | weekend | | Time: | 06:40 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/red/angry_sr.gif) cranky |
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| friday:
school was decent, allie, sara, kayla, and i went to chipotle for lunch. i love hanging out with those girls. when we get together, we laugh and its just fun. after school latts and i went to cub to buy fruit to make fruit salad for the bbq/picnic shin-dig. i became paralyzed by my weird back problem at cub and couldn't walk all that well. latts was nice enough to carry the fruit to the car. we had a nice discussion about jason's hottness in the car, and went back to my house to make the salad.
the bbq/picnic thing was a lot of fun. and i got some cute pictures from it which is good. i was so frustrated with everything after the bbq/picnic tho. i couldn't decided who to hang with, and felt unwanted by some, and i was so pissed. so i went home and cried to my mom for a few minutes, and then sara and morgan were nice enough to call me and tell me to come liz's. so i did. i had fun while i was there, i like hangin out and talking.
saturday:
i didn't do anything of significance until we went to go see "mean girls". i thought it was really funny, really cute, and sadly really true. and p.s., the guy in it is so adorable. gotta love a cutie :) after the movie we went to old chicago. i liked my meal as always and had fun watching the "interestning" kids in the spelling bee. there was tension in the restuarant that i didn't really get then and there, which was a bummer.
and only more drama followed. too many people went their serperate ways, and i was pissed off. marcus didn't call me, and that pissed me off. we got way dissed by people at brooke's house, and that pissed me off.
but, audrey, allie, latts, morgan, and i had a good time eating cookie dough and making lists.
i went to bed feeling sad and crabby...
sunday:
woke up nice and late because i didn't have church this morning. my dad took me to the twins game this afternoon which was a lot of fun. they lost, but a lot of things happened while we were there. i got a phone call while i was there, and it was marcus. he called apologizing about not hanging out yesterday and he felt really bad, which was really nice. i told him not to worry and thanks for calling, and that we will hang out this week or something. what a nice guy. and then, a guy proposed to his girlfriend like 4 rows in front of us. both of their families were there and the girl was so surprised. it was just adorable :) my dad and i both had a little tear in our eye. then, the people behind us got to play the attendance scramble game and they won! 20,744 people. it was an old couple, they were very cute.
my dad and i got to take the bmw to the game and drove home with the top down. it was a lot fun. and cold.
i came home and called becca to see if she wanted to go to target in the beamer. we did that, and had fun. we felt super stylish.
now i am back at home and crabby for absolutley no reason. i kinda bitched my dad out at the dinner table about how he needs to understand that just because im quiet doesn't mean im having a nervous breakdown, and that he cannot ask me 3,000,000,000,000,000 questions. i think he might have gotten the picture. i always go to him if i need to talk, but right now i don't even know what i need to talk about. im just cranky, and confused... and i don't even know what about.
that is my story. for now... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| today was a long day. i don't know why, but the prom things are driving me insane. i have always been one to try and take control of things haha, and i have done it again. we have dinner reservations so that is a good starting place, now we just have to figure out what's going on with pictures and possibly a limo...i just want to get it solved now, so we can just look forward to the night and not have to worry about plans. blech.
after school today, shannon, becca and i went to go watch max and marcus play tennis. they both lost, so now we feel like we are bad luck and should never go again, haha but oh well.. wayzata looked like a good team so whow knows.
im getting really nervous about school being over. it seems like yesterday when i was a freshman and thought, "It is going to take forever to be a Senior", negative. it flew by like no other. it scares me to think about not having the comforts of home anymore, and possibly losing a lot of people i care about. it will be very interesting to see how well we all keep in touch.
i am very excited for the weather to get nicer, it is supposed to be in 80's tomorrow. That will be refreshing and hopefully put people in better moods... a lot of people have been crabby, including myself. i was reading in my CosmoGIRL today and it had this chart on what your moods mean, and what you should do to fix them. It said if you are feeling sad, or unerergized for a few days, you just have the blues. i know you don't have to be a genius to figure it out, but it was an interesting article. it said that it was really normal for girls our age to be sad or feeling depressed for no reason, and that we should exercise to do something to send endorphins to our brain to make us feel happier, i don't have the energy to do that... but i think i need to.
so maybe i will go dance around my room or something...maybe to spice girls to make me feel better...or go watch real world.. ill flip a coin.
| | comments: Leave a comment |
| hello. today is tuesday. its 8:30 p.m. no homework done at all, i need to start doing that again.
today i woke up insanely late, at 7:33 a.m. to be exact. i was so paniced... and i was 5 mins late for first hour. i swear by the end of the year i will be strolling in around 8:30 a.m. i wonder how mrs. krantz would like that, probably not too much.
in pro/tech today, i had a question on my edit, so i went up to doc evans to ask. it was so cute, my question was stupid and on my spacing, but i thought i should ask cause i can't lose more points on stupid things, and he thanked me for being concerned about it. he is such a nice man, even though he tends to ramble.
i discovered something exciting today. on our cabel, we have an MTV hits channel, that plays videos around the clock all day, and NO COMMERCIALS. how neato is that? i was super happy. and to add to that goodness, a new HANSON video came on. and may i just say, that zac is so beautiful its disgusting. so watch for the "penny and me" video, its tres cute. and i am in the process in downloading their new cd, which is very good. how fun is that.
well, my mom and i decided that im going to get my prom dress made. i know everyone is tired of talking about prom, so ill make it short. its gonna be cool, black, with a big ruffle thing in the back. i realize it doesn't sound very appealing at the moment, but think 1940's style hollywood, classic, type thing. hopefully that all works out :). we are meeting with the seamstress tomorrow.
my mom and i went to O.C. for dinner tonite because our stupid house is all torn up and we can't eat in the kitchen and it smells like paint which isn't very appitizing. i had pizza it was good. ash i saw you in the kitchen but i didn't think i should duck in and say hi! haha so sorry bout that, but i did see you :)
well, i need to go work on all the things i havn't been doing for the past few days. relationships project and sociology are hanging over my head.
thanks for reading this, just needed to update i guess.
"Cause Penny and me like to roll the windows down
Turn the radio up, push the pedal to the ground
And Penny and me like to gaze at starry skies
Close our eyes, pretend to fly
It's always Penny and me tonight
Staring at a million city lights
But it's still Penny and I all alone beneath the sky
Feel the wind brushing slowly by
If I could soar I'd try to take these wings and fly
Away to where the leaves turn red
But no matter where I am instead
Singing along to feeling alright
We'll make it by in the pink moonlight
It's always Penny and me tonight" | | comments: Leave a comment |
| soo today was an okay day. last night i was just feelin shitty about everything.
i think that i have had a revelation about prom, im not going to get specific. but, who know's what could happen, but i feeling a little better about things. bottom line, life will go on. it might move slowly, but it will go.
liz and i are doing a project on ethnic marriages for relationships. i think that will be pretty cool, and we can make a cool power point lizzy :) ha itll be AWESOME. (im a geek, i can handle it).
but, this weekend should be good. goin to the twins game tomorrow night and then maybe stoppin by the dance, depends on the time. but it should be good either way.
anyway, im gonna go do something else now. hope you all had a good day, and tomorrow is friday thank goodness. monday seems like weeks ago. blech.
FIRSTS.
First best friend: jessica casto
First car: my jeep i guess. i perfer not to count the bug.
First date: hmm not yet?
First real kiss: ha i remember audrey.. none for me.. so sad.
First screen name: JLB545
First self purchased album: Janet Jackson
First funeral: my great-grandma's. i was about 4.
First pet: i had a gold fish
First piercing/tattoo: ears when i was 8
First credit card: a couple years ago.. just a debit card.. not "credit"
First enemy: umm i dunno laura brady maybe? never liked her.
First musician you remember hearing in your house: the beach boys for sure
Last cigarette: havnt had one.
Last car Ride: just a little while ago
Last kiss: moving on
Last good cry: last night.. oh man
Last movie seen on TV: umm... notting hill
in theaters: prince and me
Last beverage drank: diet coke
Last food consumed: chicken sandwhich
Last crush: tcon
Last time showered: this morning
Last shoes worn: running shoes
Last cd played: ben jelen
Last item bought: dinner
Last annoyance: prom i suppose
Last disappointment: my bio test grade. darn.
Last time wanting to die: ive never REALLY wanted to die.. but i few times at school this week. its kinda painful.
Last shirt worn: catherdral choir shirt..
Last website visited: azlyrics.com
Last word you said: "bye" to becca getting out of the car i suppose
Last song you sang: "come on" ben jelen | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Ben Jelen - Giving It Away | | Subject: | i wonder | | Time: | 10:06 pm | | Current Mood: | melancholy |
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| i know i havnt written in a long time, but i needed to get some stuff out.
i've been thinking about things that have been said to me in my life (by none of you who read this so no worries), things that have been so hurtful. and the funny thing is, is that these things were said to me when i was very young, by people i didn't know very well, and don't even really know now. but, is it possible for those things that were said to come back to you, and haunt you a little bit? these past few days, i can't forget what was said. its so embarassing for me to talk about this, its kind of like a captain obvious moment, all of it is about my weight.
you hear these horror stories from girls who were tormented when they were younger, i was never tormented, not even close. its the little side comments that hurt me so much. and now, those comments, are catching up to me. for so long i have tried to lose weight, but i continue to remind myself, well its not important at all. people should respect me for who i am, and what i think, not for what i look like.
i am not saying i think i am ugly, because i don't think that. of course there are things i would change about myself, just like everyone does.
all of my crazy emotions are wacked out by all of the prom hype, i just feel so inadequate to other girls. i know i won't get asked, and if i ask someone, would they think, "oh great the fat girl asked me"? sometimes i think that, and it terrifies me.
i wonder if this will ever go away, and if i will change.
im not asking for pitty, not at all. i don't think i'm a horrible person, i just wish sometimes people would take a deeper look, and see there is more to the exterior ya know? i wonder if it will happen... | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | 3rd hour | | Time: | 10:31 am | | Current Mood: | lazy |
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| good lord. doc evans has been talking for ummm 25 mins straight. im scared he will catch me typing. eeks. but al is not here.. where are you?! and amy isnt here either.. man oh man. the only thing keeping me entertained is "god". gotta love that. he's such a cutie.
last night, well, sucked bc we lost. i cant believed they played so bad.. i think they went in too confident. but who knows. im hoping they can redeem themselves on friday, it would be a miracle if we won, but it will be fun just the same. :)
tonite is the hockey game at merucci. im hoping everything runs smoothly... haha but i know if we leave with enough time, itll all be okay. "im not worried" haha.
so what else is new in my life... well i think most of you heard about the jessika kuppe story from last night. im still shocked that she said that to me. my mom said not to worry about that cause it is very strange... so weird. i know she was just trying to be nice, but seriously, no. haha oh well. i have lost 2 lbs. this week.. which is awesome.. im slowly, but steadily making my way ;)
my mom and dad are going to kansas tomorrow which is kinda nice, have a weekend with no questions every five seconds. i love my parents... a lot i do. and im going to miss them next year a lot, but where i am right now, i just kinda wish they back off a little bit.
the choir trip is coming up in a few weeks, which i think is going to be really fun. now that im closer with people at church, i think it will be better than previous years.
so thats my story for now.. doc has finally stopped talking and now i dont know whats going on so i need to pay attention.. eeks.
peace | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | ugh | | Time: | 10:47 pm | | Current Mood: | annoyed |
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| | i swear, why do parents think they are helping, when really they are making me so insane that i want to scream at them.. anyone have an answer? anyone?? | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Black Eyed Peas - Dirty Dancing | | Subject: | not sleeping | | Time: | 11:04 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/red/pensive_sr.gif) contemplative |
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| i had a great weekend... but sundays always seem to get me down and thinking about junk... and its late, im not sleeping. i dont know why. im tired and i do have to be up for school tomorrow. but i just have a lot on my mind.
My dad took me to get dinner tonite cause i wasnt hungry when my mom and dad ate, so we were driving in the car and of course i was being super quiet cause my mind was goin nutso about stuff. as most of you know how my dad asks so many questions and always wants to make sure that im okay.. so hes going through the normal routine of questions, is everything okay with friends, school, church, boys, do you feel okay etc.. and i just told him i was really tired. and he told me i was lying (i swear he knows me so well its scary) and then of course being me, i start to cry. he grabs my hand like always on our sunday night dinner runs, which seem to be happeneing more often lately...i tell him that i am so scared about everything thats going on right now. i cannot believe that high school is almost over, and that i have to grow up. and of course he told me not to worry because everything is going to get worked out... like they always do. and i believe him, i do.. i just get caught up in all of it sometimes. but i still have a list of worries :
1. Now that I've been accepted to GAC, I feel worse than I did before. I have to make the decision of where I want to go ( GAC OR UST ), and I really am pretty positive about going to Gustavus. I can totally see myself there. But sending in the deposit, and saying "YES", scares the crap out of me. Thats the future, thats adulthood...
2. I'm scared of losing friends... up until this weekend, I didn't really realize how much i reallllllly care about my friends. when we were at lauren's for our little party, all the parents kept saying how lucky we are that we have eachother and that we are so close, and i guess i never thought of it that way. of course we all get caught up in ourseleves, and get angry at eachtoher sometimes.. but thats human nature. deep down inside im so thankful for everyone.. sometimes i forget that. and now, im scared that i will lose touch when we all go away, but i hope that doesnt happen.
i have stupid worries too:
3. i dont want my period in hawaii.. i will cry.
4. i do not want to miss a sections basketball game when i have to go to kansas city for our choir trip, again i will cry.
this one isnt so dumb:
5. i refuse to leave high school with any regrets. i dont know what that all means right now, like what i still need to do to feel complete... but i know that i dont want to look back and say, "I wish I would have...". thats not going to happen. when i think it all through, kind of like the sweethearts thing, before i did it, i thought it was the biggest deal in the WHOLE world. well guess what, i did it, it didnt work out according to plan, but i SURVIVED! i wish i could feel as confident about everything as i did that night. i was super proud of myself then, just for stepping out of the box.. even if it was just a little bit.
i know that high school is not the be all and end all of life... its 4 years out of 90ish years.. or however long were gonna be here for. but, i feel like it has a lot to do with what kind of person im going to become. so im determined to go through the rest of it confident, and happy, not regretful... at least i hope.
those are my worries...silly or not. thats whats on my mind. and yes i am the champion worrier. i can only control a few things on that list, and im going to try hard to do so.
im glad i have a fun week ahead to maybe take my mind of some of the more serious junk.
moday - nothing
tuesday - havana nights.. oh diego :)
weds - bball @ slp
thurs - hockey @ u of m
fri - bball vs. hopkins, then NHS dance :)
it should be good.
thank you for reading my list of worries... ill update you on how im coping with them all. haha
see ya | | comments: Leave a comment |
| well i must say that this weekend has been so much fun. and its not over yet :)
thursday, audrey and ashley were nice of enough to ask me out to lunch which was lovely. so we went to byrely's for a bite. then, we went back to my house and watched "under the tuscan sun" and did our nails.. a very girly afternoon. but a lot of fun... after that, we all piled into the burb to go to subway and the hockey game. and WE WON. which was amazing, because they have sucked it up all year, and won against ep. which is awesome, so fun for them i am sure. they deserve it. after the game we got ice cream and went back to ma masion to watch "friends". im so sad the end is near for that... :( tear.
friday, oh man. i cleaned out my drawers in my bathroom.. mothers orders. and finally wrote my christmas card than you notes, im so late on those. and kinda embarrassed. oh well. THEN, a bunch of us went to go see "Dirty Dancing : Havana Nights" and i LOVED IT. i have problems with movies.. i get so attached to them and think about them haha.. i wish i could go to cuba and meet a hot guy like diego luna.. but.. then i remember that its just a movie and not real life.. and american's arn't allowed into cuba.. so thats a small problem, so if i want a hot dancer guy, ill have to go to a diff country. after the movie we grabbed some panera and ate at my house. then we headed to school for the bball game, and got in free which was so nice. yay :) the game, i must say was fantastic. the guys played awesome, stuck together which is so great. i feel like everyone contributed equal effort.. it wasnt just one persons game. armstrong needed to be beat, and im so glad we got em back :) go us. after the game... haha we went to caribou and then decided to play "capture the flag" (mitten is what we played with) haha. soo.. we split into two cars and go hide or mittens on opposite sides of highway seven. so we hide ours at the library, and theirs is at the yoga center... haha. man its hard to explain, ask me if you wanna know how it all went down.. but its fun. were gonna be playin lots lemme tell ya.
saturday, today, at noon we burbed it to breamer to watch the boys play what i thought would be their last hockey game of the year.. BUT NO!!!! they shock us all and win 3-2. damn it was soooooo fun!!!!!! there were a bunch of people that came, including, tommy and jason. and tommy likes to yell obscenities at refs which is very entertaining. and watching them get into the "you you you" thing is funny too.. cause they dont get to participate in that at bball haha. good times. it was so fun tho.. haha we parked next to alec and kyle rude and laughing at alec because of his incorrect use of spanish was so funny! hes a cool kid. im so happy that all the teams are doing so well.. its just making senior year so much fun.
and tonite, we are having a pre-hawaii party at lauren's house. which will be fun, just to see all the people that are going and parents and stuff! we leave in less then a month.. itll be fun.
so that is all i have to say for now.. but its been a great weekend.. and this coming week is gonna be awesome too..
talk to you all later im sure
xx kate
"Si je dis comment que je me sens, qu'arrivera-t-il? fera vous dit pareil ou blesse mon coeur?" | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | my immortal - evanescence | | Subject: | my immortal | | Time: | 03:49 pm | | Current Mood: | thoughtful |
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| I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
*im thinking when you are pmsing your emotions are out of control. i was sitting here, listening to this, and crying. really good words. i like them* | | comments: Leave a comment |
| hello everyone!!! i have big exciting news! i got into GUSTAVUS TODAY!!!! im so super excited. but so... nervous at the same time. it just kinda means that life is going to go on past high school, and that freaks me out. but... im going to go look at gac one more time, and maybe look at st thomas once more, and then ill know for sure. but im pretty set on gustie.
anyway.. the weekend was fun. movie, shopping, basketball.. all the good stuff. the snow is melting slowly which makes me very happy, im looking forward to spring a whole heck of a lot.
i almost have all of things that i wanted to get for hawaii, im planning on goin to old navy tonite to get some flip flops i HOPE.. i hate having big feet :(
well.. im going to go and do all of that, and then go to dinner with my parents who are so excited about my little acceptance.
sorry this was boring.. but i had to share my big news! talk to you all later!
xo kate | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| 1. Dido : White Flag
2. Spice Girls : Spiceworld (yes that is embarrassing!!!!)
3. Dwitght Yokam : This Time
4. Dashboard Confessional : Bend and Not Break
5. Abba : Dancing Queen
6. Filter : Cancer
7. Jimmy Eat World : Clarity
8. M2M : Why
9. Unwirtten Law : Geronimo
10. Simple Plan : When I'm With You
11. Nelly : Country Grammer ( SO GLAD THAT CAME UP! :) )
12. Kelly Clarkson : Low
13. Martina McBride : I Love You
14. DMX : Party Up (Up In Here)
15. Chingy : Holidae In
16. Mandy Moore : Let Me Be The One
17. Christina Aguilera : Contigo En La Distancia
18. Hanson : Wish That I Was There
19. BoyzIIMen : Mowtownphilly (oh god)
20. Baby Bash : Suga Suga
21. Mae : Last Call
22. Barry White : Can't Get Enough of Your Love Babe
23. Lila Mccann : I Wanna Fall in Love
24. Bryan Adams : I Will Always Be Right There ( DL THIS SO GOOD )
25. Trapt : Stories
those are my songs.. haha im super cool i know.
see ya | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | take care - copeland | | Time: | 08:17 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/red/stressed_sr.gif) restless |
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| today is monday... this weekend seemed reallly long. i feel like friday was an eternity ago.
friday night was fun, we went to cooper in the burb, and my friend katy came which was great. she is so nice. love her. and then we went to allie's for boots. i had a really good time. she is so nice to have us over so often to play, its been a highlight of my senior year for sure.
saturday was good i suppose, i went to moa with my mom and got a few things. nothing spectacular. later in the afternoon i went to OC with some non-sweetheart girls, we had a good time there. after dinner, we went over to shannons... and max, marcus, and adam came over. i was so excited that max came over, becca is adorable around him. i really hope something comes out of that with her, she has been doing so well lately.. i just hope it continues. we headed out for a fun car ride to coldstone, got some amazing ice cream... then we got back to shannons and hysterical little emily forgot her purse. haha, so adam drove her back. luckily it was still there and intact.
sunday morning i got up for church, we sang with robert robinson and it was amazing. we sang an african hymn, and two gospel pieces. i wonder how he feels singing with 100 white kids.. kinda funny. after church on sunday i went to ridgedale with becca and kayla, bought some good smelling perfume. we then went to kayla's and watched S.W.A.T. it was good, for dinner we went to applebees, then back to kayla's for some hot tubbing. max joined us again.. which made becca happy :) made me happy, to see her so excited.
and today, i did something productive. becca and i swam hard core for 30 minutes, then lifted at my house. im a little sore, but i need to dive in head first with this working out stuff... really bad. im determined tho. haha i cant keep putting it all off. its not doing me any good at all.
this week is a shorter one which is good, basketball tomorrow night, should be fun.
ive been thinking about love a lot lately, which is no surprise considering it takes up most of my day dreaming time. it seems like so many people around me are finding someone else, like bf or gf material... im just sad cause i cant seem to find that. maybe im looking to hard, or thinking about it to much. i read in a magazine that to find love, you have to go on a "love/boy fast". youre supposed to stop thinking about being love, or falling in love.. and focus on yourself. (true or not i dunno) the only problem is, is that i feel like i have been focusing on myself for 18 years.. and i want to focus on someone else for a little bit. im just scared of heading into college completley empty-handed, with no experience what-so-ever. it just makes me really, out of control nervous. hopefully, that wont be the case and something magical will happen to me. i can only hope...
xx kate | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | obiviously Beautiful Disaster :) | | Subject: | beautiful disaster... | | Time: | 09:29 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/red/hyper_sr.gif) determined |
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| these lyrics are nice.. i like them a lot. :) read em, see what ya think! the weekend is coming... wohoo!
xx kate
He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know
He’s as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I try to save him...
My whole world could cave in
It just ain’t right...
It just ain’t right
Oh when I don’t know...
I don’t know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster
He's magical myth
As strong as I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
And do I try to change him
So hard not to blame him
Hold on tight...
Hold on tight
Oh cuz I don’t know
I don’t know what he’s after
But he’s so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster
I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm waiting for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
So long
He’s soft to the touch
But frayed at the end he breaks
He’s never enough
And still he's more than I can take
Oh cuz I don’t know
I don’t know what he’s after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster | | comments: Leave a comment |
| tonite was super fun i must say. the basketball game was such a good time, the guys played really well... the loss was a tough one. but they kept up with hopkins and played hard. which is the most important i think. sitting near the ERG was fun, they are a fun bunch of guys... tommy's dad topped of the night with "ERG" (arm pump) hahahaha. i got really into the game, i was surprise i did. i just excited very easily, but i suppose that is the fun of it. :)
we had a great car ride home... haha yellow lights, "Sex"... making up our little scenarios. that made me laugh so hard. "with ghetto music" "sinklers back room" "a truck" "the beach" "a bed?" (allie you silly girl) "an office!" i love having silly conversations with friends, it just puts a smile on your face.
the whole missing check thing is still unsolved... who knows what will happen with that. it will all work out, one way or another.
friday will be a fun day, a few of my friends from church are going to come to cooper for the game, because they know how much i love tom.. haha they're the best! im so excited they're goin.. i cant wait. and you know the burb will be on its way too.. wohoo.
of course this weekend is sweethearts, and im not going.. which is a bummer just cause im envious of everyone that does get to go.. but not the end of the world. my mom and i are planning on going to MOA to brithday shop for my dad, and shop for hawaii. it will all work out lovely.
bed time... have a great night everyone! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Mae - All Deliberate Speed | | Subject: | good lord | | Time: | 06:54 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/red/achy_sr.gif) scared |
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| i swear.. i cannot even fathom what just happened. i had a good day today.. and i was looking forward to the week. its fun with the moochers and dress up days... BUT
my dad calls me from downstairs while i was at the computer.. crying, telling me that he thinks he threw away my college fund check. *boom* its like a bomb went off. he was hysterically crying, i tried to help him look for it, we have been searching the house up and down for it... bottom line, i think he threw it away. he was crying and cursing himself saying that he has never been so irresponsible and he was so sorry...
i was just standing there trying to think of the right thing to say... and i all i could do is burst into tears and tell him that it will be okay. i just feel so so so terrible that he has this big burden on his shoulders, that maybe it did get thrown away, and if it did, it did. there isnt anything else we can do... its gone.
its not even so much the money... he feels bad that it was "my money" to use, to start my life on my own, and its gone. (apperantly). he feels bad that my grandma (who died), and my grandpa who is still here, will have to know that he lost it. he is 53, and made this huge mistake. im not sure if i like the fact that my dad, the man i look up to for everything.. the person that i love more than anyone in the world, just made this huge mistake... im floored. and i have no idea what to do. i dont care about the money.. i feel terrible that he has to deal with it...i just cant even fathom how he feels.. and i dont love him any less.. if anything i love him more... im hoping that my some grace of the Lord this will work out.
ive prayed so hard, so hard. i wonder why this had to happen to my dad, who built his company up from nothing, into something that has put me, my mom, and emily in this beautiful house.. i have so many things to be thankful for.. and all of them have come from him. i owe my life to him...and i feel so terrible that this happened..
who knows what tomorrow might bring... i guess this is just teaching all of us never to take forgranted what you have..
im so upset because right when things are starting to kinda be back to how they were, i got good grades on tests from last week, im working on things with friends... and this is just one more thing to get me distracted from things.. what am i gonna do? | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| oh what a night.. haha so much fun! the basketball game was wonderful. we won.. duh. but AFTER the game was the best.. having original autographs from the three best.. tcon, ranny, and "no doc" haha. so cute that they signed for the little kids, brought a little tear to my eye! ha jk... but almost!
after the game, we headed for lotus to play a little boot hockey, but no lights, cold, snow, and wind, took the best of us. so we headed over to kaylas. playing catch phrase with the girls and spencer, max, and marcus was super fun. i havnt laughed like that in a long time!
tomorrow should be good... hopefully beading with a few gals, and then going to MIRACLE! oh so EXCITED! i cant wait.
this weekend is definetly looking better than last :P haha... and next week is going to be GREAT TOO! dress up days, and bball at hopkins.. im feelin confident about all of that.
oh mucho love goes out to all of you.. stay warm in this cold and snow.. i know im looking forward to spring soon!
xoxo kate
PS this from the star tribune:
Friday's best
Boys' basketball • Tom Conboy, Minnetonka: The senior forward scored 31 points, including the 1,000th of his career, and grabbed 10 rebounds to lead the Skippers (No. 6, 4A) past St. Louis Park 75-66.
NOW THAT IS PRETTY DAMN SWEET. haha see ya | | comments: Leave a comment |
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